


... he surprises you ..

by 3DBABE1999



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, De-Aged James T. Kirk, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt James T. Kirk, Hurt Jim, James T. Kirk Angst, James T. Kirk Has Issues, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Past Torture, Tarsus IV, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2020-12-27 14:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 18,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21120128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3DBABE1999/pseuds/3DBABE1999
Summary: ....You are Nyota Uhura..This story is from "your" (Uhura's) perspective..Captain James Tiberius Kirk gets De-Aged to a six-month-old baby..





	1. Chapter 1

..

..

You are in Med-Bay for a burn from your sparking Communications Console, the damage was sustained when a group of rebels from the last planet The Enterprise tried to help, kidnapped Captain James Tiberius Kirk and fired upon The Enterprise, causing an overload in the ship's shields and frying out circuits all over the ship.. Your Communications Console started smoking and shooting electrical sparks..

The Entertprise was rendered incapable of Warp for a handful of hours, giving the rebels that kidnapped The Captain plenty of time for a headstart..

The Enterprise went into pursuit and caught up to the rebels, the rebels are now in The Brig, you have been sent to Med-Bay under the orders of First Officer Spock and The Captain..

Well..

On a Bio-Bed in Med-Bay currently being scanned is an infant.. The baby is barely old enough to sit up by himself and he is not happy..

The infant keeps making grabby hands at Nurse Christine Chapel with babbling sobs of "Ma ma ma ma ma.." as Doctor McCoy repeatedly tries to scan the agitated baby with apparently the same results as McCoy keeps muttering.. "I can't believe it.. It's Jim..."..

Christine looks at the blue eyed, curly blond haired, chubby red faced, crying infant as if she had never even seen a baby before let alone held one to give them comfort..

You aren't particularly fond of Kirk.. 

Yeah.. You're getting there..

But he still has a ways to go before the lack luster shine of that first impression fades the rest of the way..

To you, he's mostly still "A Dumb Hick that only has sex with farm animals" with a small side of "Guy who gets randomly lucky enough to keep saving everyone's asses a lot.."

You give respect to his Rank and his ever strengthening friendship with your boyfriend, but he's still too brash and brazen to really be someone you yourself would consider being actually friends with.. Maybe "Frienemy" will be about as close as a fully grown Kirk can get..

But this..

This in front of you is a helpless baby.. 

And .. Okay ..

It is Kirk..

McCoy confirms so much with his confused and shocked demeanor..

And maybe "Infant Kirk" has his adult self's mind and memories, but you don't think he's faking for sympathy points, you know McCoy is probably Kirk's closest friend and the complete and utter fear the baby seems to have of the doctor can't be faked, much to McCoy's dismay, the baby recoils from the doctor, sobbing and babbling for his "Mama" reaching for Christine and while you wouldn't put it past a fully grown Kirk, you doubt it's to try to trick Nurse Chapel into picking him up so he can cop a feel, because Kirk wouldn't flinch from his best friend if he had the mind and memories of his fully grown self..

But Nurse Chapel stands frozen, she clearly doesn't have any idea what to do in this situation.. Maybe if it wasn't The Captain she might react differently, but as of now, the nurse is at a loss for what to do..

You know of Kirk's mother.. It's hard not to.. She's famous in her own right.. You've seen her from a distance right after The Enterprise made it home from fighting The Narada.. Blonde hair.. Blue eyes..

Babies younger than one still don't do so good with object permanence and facial recognition.. Especially if the rumors you've heard about Winona Kirk's mostly absentee parenting during James Tiberius Kirk's infancy have any truth to them..

It's easy to connect the dots..

Chapel looks enough like the baby's mother for the baby to think she's his "Mama"..

And Chapel isn't going to be doing anything to attempt to comfort the upset infant any time soon because she doesn't seem to understand what is needed of her..

It wouldn't be fair to her or the baby to ask her to try, either..

So..

Burn forgotten.. It honestly can be tended to later, anyway..

You slide off of the Bio-Bed and wedge yourself between the mean scary doctor terrifying the poor baby who definitely does not recognize his adult self's best friend and you pick the baby up..

The baby automatically turns trying to leap out of your grip, tiny arms outstretched towards Chapel with open hands, fingers spread as the baby strains to grab and plaintive cries of "Ma ma ma ma ma ma" .. You saddle the baby on your hip, his tiny body conforms to yours, he's still trying to twist towards Chapel, but you hike him higher and use your free hand to cup his head and bring his face into the crook of your neck while getting your other arm under his rear to support him, the arm supporting him curls up, crooking around him so you can also support his side and keep him from twisting towards Chapel..

.. 

And then you wisk the baby into what is the CMO's Office and you take a seat in the good doctor's worn out desk chair .. 

And you rock the baby..

His cries ramp up for a bit and he looks wildly, desperately around the room .. Searching..

But neither Nurse Chapel or Winona Kirk are in here..

Eventually the baby's squalling tapers off to hiccuped crying as he tiredly burries his blotchy red face in your shoulder with his little back heaving and shuddering and his heart racing against your palm and against your chest.. You can feel it from both sides and a bit from the side where your arm curls up to support the infant's side..

The baby rubs at his eyes and he still babbles for "Ma ma ma ma ma ma" but his sobs have calmed ..

The next thing you know, the baby snuffles into your neck and you realize that at some point he has fallen asleep, a tired plea of "Ma ma.. Ma ma.." still falling exhaustedly from his lips as he starts, rouses, babbles then sleepily rubs his eyes and curls into you.. On repeat until he finally settles into real sleep..

You are finally able to stand, you rock and sway to keep from waking the baby..

Then you exit the office and come face to face with Doctor McCoy who has his TriCorder at the ready.. You carefully maneuver the baby so that the doctor can get the scans he needs without the baby waking up and working himself into another fuss.. Christine Chapel has had the good sense to make herself busy elsewhere, where the baby won't see her if he does wake up..

The doctor is baffled.. The baby is one hundred percent, definitely James Tiberius Kirk.. A person that you know for a fact is fully grown.. Maybe not the most mature .. But an adult, nonetheless..

You're just as baffled as the doctor.. But your shared embafflement will do nothing to actually reverse whatever it was that caused ... this ..

And someone needs to tell Spock.. You have no idea how much Spock knows.. Hell, he might, probably does, know more than you.. After all, the baby arrived after you had been here about five minutes.. The Medical Team had put the baby on the nearest Bio-Bed and you had just so happened to be on the bed directly across the room.. You don't think Doctor McCoy was even aware you were there as he was fully absorbed by the sudden appearance of a baby that just so happened to be the exact same person as his fully grown best friend..

And there were so many questions.. All unanswered..

The baby could be a clone.. It would make sense..

But then that would mean that Captain Kirk was still missing..

Or..

The rebels that had taken The Captain were from a Race of people with vast technological advances.. It is also possible that this IS NOT a clone and is somehow the original James T. Kirk and he has been De-Aged.. How would that even work and WHY would the rebels do it?.. But also why would they clone Captain Kirk?.. Why did they even follow The Enterprise and kidnap The Captain in the first place?

There were several unknowns and each unanswered question just brought with it even more things to ask..

Either way.. It does not matter if the baby is a clone or the original copy. What matters is that the child you hold is an INFANT and he needs someone..

Someone who will hold him and give him comfort..

Someone who has at least some kind of an idea of how to handle taking care of a baby..

The issue isn't going to resolve itself today or tonight.. And probably not tomorrow or even this week, either..

The baby needs a caregiver..

The doctor would seem like the most natural choice.. He is a doctor after all and he is The Captain's best friend and from what you've heard he is also a parent so he should have an idea of how to care for a baby.. But the baby is clearly terrified of the man.. Could that resolve itself over time?.. Maybe.. But you have no idea what chancing it might do to the infant's psyche or how it will affect The Captain if.. when .. the doctor manages to find a way to bring the fully grown Kirk back.. There's also still a chance the baby is a clone and you don't want to risk messing up the development of someone that could eventually grow into their own person completely separate from the Jame T. Kirk you know..

You can't picture the baby with really anyone else trying to care for him..

You don't know if he would react to just any male in the same way he reacts to Doctor McCoy.. But you don't want to risk it.. The baby might not be used to a male presence or perhaps the rebels did something to the infant to cause him to be afraid of men.. The baby doesn't seem hurt and the doctor's scans confirm the baby isn't exactly harmed, but he is slightly malnurished and it is possible that the rebels did something to frighten him and make him afraid of a male presence..

You don't know a lot of women on the ship that would be willing to babysit their Captain, even in this form.. Or anyone who would babysit, period, even if they didn't know the baby was possibly their Captain and thought he was just any baby..

You aren't that fond of Jim as an adult.. You've had your differences for sure.. 

But this is a baby..

And he needs someone..

That someone might as well be you..


	2. Chapter 2

..

..

Okay..

So..

You may have bitten off more than you can chew..

Babies are a lot of work..

After the doctor clears the baby..

The tiny tot can't just stay in Med-Bay twenty-four/seven..

And you already made the decision to make this leap before you really thought it through..

You offer to take care of the baby (because of course you do) while the doctor and his staff and The Enterprise's scientists all work on a..

solution ..

To this..

er ..

Little Problem?

But ..

Now?

You have rocked..

You have paced..

You have sung..

Every. Single. Lullaby. You. Know.

Those few minutes of sleep you got the baby to nab earlier so the doctor could get better scans are coming back to bite you in the ass..

It is three fucking a-m, ship time.. And. You. Just. Want. To. Sleep.

You've tried, feeding, burping, changing diapers.. Because you tried taking care of the obvious shit first..

The baby.. Refused a bottle.. Refused baby food.. Refused finger foods.. Refused a sippy cup ..

All attempts at burping made the baby angry...

The diaper changing was a little awkward, considering, well, once this tot is his adult self again (unless the tot is a Clone), this baby, is not just a guy who flirted (horribly lamely) with you, but he's also your Commanding Officer.. And now you have seen.. and wiped.. his naked ass.. 

Yeah...

You didn't think this through..

But it's only temporary right?

Right?

You give a sleep deprived cackle because "temporary" might mean "eighteen years"..

You have no idea how long it will take for this .. situation .. to be resolved.. you don't even know that it actually will be resolved..

This baby might stay a baby forever for all you know..

Okay.. Maybe you're a little delirious from lack of sleep..

But oh god... You're. Just. So. Tired.

Babies are exhausting..

And you're only a handful of hours into this thing you've gone and - fucking - ENTHUSIASTICALLY - volunteered for.. Like you were somehow the best, the only, person, on - This. Entire. Fucking. Ship. - suited for taking care of this baby..

Just. What. The. Hell. Were. You. Thinking?!

And you just want to sleep.

You're frustrated.

But..

Okay.

You're not the only one.

The baby is clearly tired and frustrated too..

And there's obviously something wrong.

So you go head to toe..

Top to bottom.

Bottom to top.

You even try giving him a bath with some soap that has a soothing scent but isn't made something you know that James T. Kirk the adult is allergic too.. So definitely not lavender .. Cause you know The Captain is allergic..

And .. Oh .. Fuck.. You have a list twice, maybe actually three times, as long as you are tall of stuff that this infant is probably allergic to or will become allergic to as he grows, to try to remember to avoid..

The bath kind of goes pathetically..

With the baby sitting in the tub looking up at you squalling and looking broken hearted like you are the worst Being in the whole Universe for not just knowing what is wrong with him and fixing it.

He keeps raising his arms to you as you bathe him.. As you wash his hair he is making grabby hands and managing to claw grab your hair with both his hands and scream up into your face.. which is .. un-fucking-pleasant .. to say the least..

The baby give an exhausted sob as he tries to rip your hair from the roots. And he is staring right up at you directly into your face as he does it.

It's honestly a little heartbreaking because the baby just looks tired and heartbroken and like he's been betrayed by the entire Universe because you can't solve his problem for him because you don't know what his problem is....

You rinse his hair which makes him squal louder and angrier and makes him pull your hair even harder, then you get him out of the tub and dry him with a warm fluffy towel while trying to pry your hair out of his vice-like closed fists.. 

As you dry him, you check head to toe, top to bottom, bottom to top.. Again.. And you eventually manage to get your hair, minus a few strands, free..

You try massaging his feet, his legs, his stomach, his hands, his arms..

The baby is not happy in the slightest.

He is not fighting sleep. He is just as tired as you except he is pissed about being tired and you.. You're frustrated but not mad.. He is just a baby after all..

And something IS wrong with him..

But you don't know what..

And then the baby lunges for you.. Smooshing his face into your shoulder..

And fucking .. bites you..

Or well.. Can chomping on your shoulder with a barely there tooth really count as biting?

It's really more of a shock than anything to feel mostly gums except that one tiny sharp spot at the front of the bottom of the baby's jaw..

You pull the baby away and stick your finger in his mouth..

Wrong move.. 

There is only just one tooth barely breaking the surface.. But the baby has a death bite even with just mostly gums.. And it hurts.. 

But on the bright side..

You now know what is wrong..

You've been getting all of your supplies from the replicator in your room.. Diapers, baby clothes.. etcetera..

You replicate an ice cold teething ring and trade it for the finger the baby is nomming on..

The baby grabs the teether with both fists and he is shoving it as far into his mouth as it will go.. Which reminds you that you need to go around your Quarters and make sure that anything that can fit through a toilet paper tube is all up out of a baby's reach.. The baby still cries.. But it's mostly just exhausted and pained sobbing now instead of blood curdling shrieks and pissed off squalling..

You sit the baby in the crib you replicated the parts for then put together yourself and you smile tiredly down at him as he stares up at you and bites his teether with babbled crying that is softer now and more just about being tired and in pain than frustration that you're not fixing his problem.. 

You run a hand over the back of his curly blond hair and give a little tug on his leg, guiding him to lay down..

He munches on the teether and puts a pajama covered foot against the bar of the crib with the tips of his toes poking out towards you.

You give the foot a tug and a tickle and..

The baby giggles..

He noms on his teether but now it is with a gummy smile, his chest still heaves from all the crying.. But his eyes are bright and his smile is wide around the teether that he holds to his mouth..

And for a second you see the exuberance and charm of the guy you know radiating from this baby.. He's adorable and he knows it..

You chuckle and rub a hand over his head then pad barefoot back to your own bed where you lay dozing but listening to the baby .. He takes the teether out of his mouth and babbles to it then goes back to chewing on it.. 

You smile as you drift off into a light doze.. 

Babies are hard work..

Babies are exhausting..

But you've got this..


	3. Chapter 3

..

..

When a decent hour of morning to actually be awake at approaches, you roll out of bed with a groan.. 

The baby is asleep with the teether clutched in his fist beside his head, his tiny mouth is slightly opened and he keeps making suckling movements with his lips as he sleeps..

You figure he will stay asleep long enough for you to shower and get some coffee down you..

You get in the shower and have shampoo suds dripping down from your hair as the squalling has you fumbling and tripping over yourself like a Red Alert Klaxon..

You hastily rinse out your hair and wrap a towel around yourself..

You're pretty sure you still have suds in your hair, on your shoulders and on your forehead..

But the baby sounds like he is immediate mortal danger or in life threatening pain.. The baby sounds panicked..

You slip once, okay, twice, on the tile floor, thank goodness for reflexes, the counter around the sink and the now broken towel rack that you hold in your hand or you'd be sprawled on your ass on the floor right now.. 

You get through the door, toss the towel rack aside..

The baby instantly chokes out a sob and stops crying the second he sees you.. His arms shoot up his fingers splayed..

You pull him up and saddle him on your hip and debate with yourself if you can just strip the baby down and get back in the shower with him because at least then you get to finish your shower and the baby gets clean too.. But at the same time you don't know how much of this experience might stick with Jim once he's back to normal, if the baby is not a clone.. You decide Jim does not need or get to see you naked no matter how bad the baby's separation anxiety seems to be..

You give the baby a toy to play with and put him back in the crib and tell yourself that it will only be for a few minutes so you can get the last of the shampoo suds rinsed off..

You scramble to get done and dressed as fast as humanly possible..

The baby is shrieking like he's dying the entire time, the toy laying there forgotten because Baby Jim. Is. Upset.

But you leave him crying in the crib while you scald your insides by downing a cup of coffee.. Lesson learned.. Caffeine comes first from now on..

You go back to the crib.. The baby..

Screams bloody murder and leans away from you..

You try to pick him up but he starts squirming and writhing.. Downright refusing you as you try to pick him up, he goes tense, his little arms shoving against you as he screams right in your face and throws back his head and then suddenly goes liquid on you and practically starts pouring out of your arms as you try to get a better hold on him.. But a Jim Kirk that doesn't want to be held is apparently a Jim Kirk that will not be held because you can't get a good hold on him because he is literally trying to throw himself out of your arms or pour himself out of your arms every single time you try.

You try offering a bottle.. He screams at you and throws the bottle straight at your forehead..

You try offering food and end up wearing it for your troubles..

You try changing him which becomes an Olympic Feat as he tries to roll away and you have to literally.. Yes.. Literally.. Wrestle a clean diaper onto him..

You try toys that make sounds, and find out how painful it is when something with a soundbox inside it pegs you in the chest..

You are at your wits end..

The baby eventually works himself up to a deafening crescendo and at this point you want to curl up in a corner and cry along with him..

That is when Spock comes in..

The door swishes open and Spock steps inside.. He sees you.. Frazzled.. Tired.. You're honestly a mess.. Then he turns and sees the baby..

Tired.. Frazzled.. Nose all goopey with runny snot and eyes and cheeks soaked with tears and the baby goes quiet for a heartbeat and you see the baby shoot you a panicked look as he throws his arms up and practically throws himself at you with a terrified cry..

You get your hands under his arms and pull him up and saddle him on the hip farthest from Spock..

Jim eyes Spock with fear and mistrust and burries his face in your shoulder and babbles even as he shrieks and cries..

Spock looks surprised by how the baby reacts to his presence..

"It appears that The Captain does not recognize me." Spock states..

You are sleep deprived and barely caffeinated.. So maybe you can be excused for your tone when you reply "No shit, Sherlock!"

Spock just raises an eyebrow at that because you're pretty sure the look on your face tells him how unsafe it would be to make an attempt at any other verbiages..

Your voice is thunderous as you say "Leave, Spock.." because the baby is clearly more upset by Spock's presence than he has been with anything else you've seen him react to thus far ..

"I believe I can help." Spock replies calmly and his calm is grating on your last nerve.. 

"How?" You demand with a growl.

"I believe that I can do a light Meld and ascertain what ails him, making it easier for you to meet his needs.. As he currently cannot communicate his needs for himself and you are clearly at a loss for what to do.."

"Out.. Spock.. Now.." You're damn near feral .. Yes .. You don't know what Jim's problem currently is.. But the baby is clearly terrified of just Spock's proximity and you can only imagine how the baby would react if you allowed Spock to actually touch him, which would probably require you pinning the baby to keep him still enough for a Meld.. The way that would break tiny little Jim's trust..

And..

Never mind..

Now you know what is wrong with Jim..

"Go.." You double down with a shoo'ing motion and Spock is smart enough to not make you have to say it again as he takes his leave..

Jim gives a shuddering breath as he watches the door swish shut once Spock is gone.. The baby looks up at you and starts trying to twist himself out of your arms again while making plaintiff noises of dissatisfaction..

"Uh-uh.. No you don't, mister.." You tell the baby as you pull him close to your chest and sit down on your bed and rock him in your arms..

The baby eventually stops struggling to get free and just heaves out little shaky breaths as he calms down..

Finally he snuggles into your chest.. Tentative trust restored.. From now on you have to make sure that Jim knows that even when he can't see you, you're still there for him.. That you haven't just upped and left him and that you will be back even if you have to disappear on him, you won't stay gone.. 

Because you've figured out the hard way..

Jim Kirk .. Has abandonment issues.. if he loses his trust in you then he wants nothing to do with you.. And you aren't so sure you can regain his trust if you accidentally lose it again..


	4. Chapter 4

..

..

After the morning from hell that you've had, you finally have a baby that is happy .. He is all dimples and your heart melts a little because he looks absolutely cherubic with his wispy golden curls and his giant baby blue eyes and broad, still toothless, grin.. That tooth still hasn't broken the surface yet.. 

You hate to admit it, but you kind of adore this version of Jim..

It twists up how you feel about the grown-up version of him..

You try a trip to the Mess Hall ..

Tiny Jim in tow.. 

The entire Enterprise Crew are aware of what happened.. Jim doesn't believe in keeping things from his Crew when it comes to stuff that's going on, on the ship..

So you have tiny Jim in a baby sling strapped to your chest and your Padd and sone baby supplies in a bag slung over your shoulder as you walk down to get some breakfast and time amongst other adults..

The baby smiles and babbles and waves at females and goes quiet and fearful of males and hides his face in your chest until the danger passes..

Then..

Chekhov spots you..

Chekhov comes up with a smile and a "Hello, tiny Keptin."

Jim looks up at Chekhov with a quivering bottom lip and you just know he's about to start screaming..

"Oh no, tiny Keptin.. Don't cry.." Chekhov pleads as he brings a toy out from behind his back, it's a stuffed dog "It vould upset Mister Puppy.." Chekhov wiggled the puppy a holds it out to Jim..

Jim reaches out and snags the stuffed puppy by it's floppy ear and throws it on the ground..

"Oh no.. Mister Puppy!" Chekhov mock exclaims as he bends over and picks up the puppy and holds it out to Jim again..

Jim gives the smallest of giggles and tugs the stuffed animal from Chekhov again but this time pulls it into his arms and tucks it in between his chest and yours....

Chekhov gives Tiny Jim's foot a tickle and Jim surprisingly doesn't object..

Chekhov tells you the stuffed animal is Jim's to keep as long as needed..

You get to the Mess Hall and Jim sees all of the people and tucks his face into the fur of the stuffed animal ..

A shy Jim Kirk?.. You never thought you'd see the day..

You order oatmeal and toast from the cooks and sit down and share it with Jim who you have taken out if the sling and sat in your lap facing outward. Jim is ecstatic, he babbles happily and claps his hands as he gums each small bite you give him.. He's a hungry baby, too, so hungry, you need to get a second helping just to keep up with his hearty appetite..

You promised McCoy you'd get Jim back into Med-Bay today for another checkover .. The doctor can't begin to try to get Original Jim back if he can't get the data he needs from small Jim..

Spock also intends to have a few of the ship's scientists there in Med-Bay this morning too, you know because of the memo sent to your Padd.. You must have made quite the terrifying picture in the wee hours thus morning if Spock's scared enough to avoid you and is resorting to messaging your Padd instead of Comm'ing you or just finding you in The Mess Hall..

You give Jim the last of the oatmeal and take the tray to the window for Dish Services to clean then you head to Med-Bay..

Jim kicks his little legs as if he is trying to walk in mid-air as he is strapped to your chest facing outwards so he can see everything.. 

He kicks his little legs and waves his little arms and makes mostly happy noises.. 

In Med-Bay the baby goes quiet and he tries to turn around in the sling and burrow into you as McCoy and Spock are both right there..

Of course Spock just had to come himself instead of sending any number of other qualified scientists.. Don't Spock and McCoy get that being grown up Jim's friend doesn't give them any authority over this baby version of Jim?.. It's up to you to have his best interests at heart and while YOU know that Spock and McCoy care for Jim and don't want to hurt him, this small version of Jim doesn't know that..

You have to make a call here and you hope it is the right one.. McCoy you haven't got much of a choice about because he's the CMO and it's either him or risk breaking Jim's heart with Chapel again.. But Spock.. Spock should already know that him being here is crossing a line as he found out this morning that protecting Jim is your priority and you won't put up with his suggestions of invading Jim's space and terrorizing him and causing him to lose trust in you..

Spock and McCoy must sense your oncoming meltdown.. Or baby Jim's frightened whimpers clue them in..

"I understand your reluctance, Nyota.. But we must assess Jim's thoughts. What if the answer to what cures him lies inside his mind?" Spock says in a tone that suggests he is trying to comfort you..

"We'll make sure he is asleep through the whole thing. But I also need to get more scans.. We honestly don't like the idea of distressing him any more than you do.. And trust me, I'm definitely not happy about the need for Vulcan Voodoo anymore than you are.. But unfortunately Spock's right.. Somewhere in Jim's head he might remember what was done to him which could give us the information we need to know to reverse it and get his adult self back.."

You hate this and you hate yourself as you nod..

Spock steps back and McCoy slides a hypospray to you and also steps back..

You keep the hypospray out of Jim's line of sight and get him in the meaty part of his thigh.. A quick pinch and it's done.. Jim doesn't even cry he just gives a startled jump and keeps watching Spock and McCoy warily even as his eyes start dropping..

Once he's out for sure you get him out of the sling and onto a Bio-Bed and hope you didn't just break Jim's tentative trust..

McCoy strips Jim down to his diaper..

On Jim's side there is a purple mottled bruise that looks days old.. It wasn't there last night or this morning..

You're about to say as much when McCoy interrupts with a muttered "Just as I feared.."

"What..? What do you mean?" You ask..

McCoy looks startled and like he doesn't want to say..

But then..

"You're taking care of him.. So I guess you need to know.. Just in case this happens again and more marks appear out of nowhere.." McCoy says and then sighs heavily.. " Back at The Academy Jim sometimes would get drunk and while drunk he would talk about his childhood.. He sometimes implied he was abused as a child.. He never said by who or how young he was when the abuse started amd he would never talk about the full extent of the abuse because he would realize what he implied and what it sounded like and then he'd go quiet and I wouldn't be able to get anything else out of him and if I tried to get him to talk about it while he was sobber he'd clam up and avoid me for days. But I'm fairly certain he was severely neglected, malnourished and physically and mentally abused as a very young child and that abuse and neglect continued until he left home as a young adult.. This bruise gives credence to my fears and suspicions that the abuse and neglect Jim went through as a child began in his infancy.. But of course we can't know that for sure.. Unless Spock can see the answer to those questions when he looks into Jim's mind.."

"Spock..?" You ask .. Your heart is clenching in your chest.. You hurt for tiny little Jim who is a baby unable to defend himself and there is nothing you can do because the monster hurting Jim is invisible as it is old pain already suffered decades earlier but showing the marks niw because they are marks Jim carried at tjis age.. He even looks a little older than he did in even The Mess Hall just a few minutes before you arrived in Med-Bay, that tooth that gave Jim problems last night that hadn't yet come in yet has now fully erupted and the tip of a second tooth beside it is visibly peeking up meaning this Jim is possibly actually already several days older than the Jim you woke up to this morning, which is why the bruise looks days old.... 

You remember the nearly inconsolable crying this morning Jim began to teeth.. Whoever put that bruise on baby Jim probably hurt him when he wouldn't stop crying from the teething pain.. It's no excuse and you hope whoever did it did eventually get punished for the abuse they inflicted on the helpless baby.. 

Spock gives a sharp nod and places his hand at baby Jim's Meld Points at the side of Jim's face..  
Spock's face grows stormy with anger as he looks through tiny Jim's memories..

"The bruise came at the hands of his maternal uncle.. A know named Frank Davis.. Thus why Jim fears fully grown men at such a young age.. He expects pain at their hands.... He is .. Terrified of me.. Of Leonard.. He wants his mother.." Spock's voice is shaky as he gives Commentary to what he is seeing but most of these are things you already guessed at. The only thing you didn't already know was about the actual abuse Jim went through as a baby.. 

"He has a.. Very dynamic mind.." Spock says "He is a very intelligent infant... I can see where he reatains memories from his grown self.. He just cannot access them.. There is a barrier that keeps him from those memories.. I too cannot get through the barrier.. It is as if looking through frosted glass.. I can see enough to get an idea of what is there but it is all too distorted to make any sense of.. Perhaps if he ages up again I can make another attempt and see more of the memories beyond the barrier.. But as it is.. With Jim in this stage of infancy.. I cannot see much as Jim cannot see much.. He is afraid and confused.. He goes to sleep and sees his mother and sees the man, Frank Davis, who hurts him.. Then he awakes and he is here with us.. With strangers that he does not know in a strange unfamiliar place that he does not know how he got to.. The trust Nyota has built with him is fragile.. She is right to guard it so fiercely.. I can sense that in his perception that several days has gone by for him and that is why he now appears several days older than when we first found him as an infant, the growth he has gone through may have happened in seconds for us.. But to him the walk to Med-Bay from The Mess Hall was a week's worth of growth... I cannot sense any potential way to predict how and when he will grow again or what might be the trigger to cause it to happen again.. It is even possible that it will not happen again at all.. There are many unknowns and while the answer may still lie inside Jim's mind, they are answers that I cannot access at this time.."


	5. Chapter 5

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..

Spock slowly eases out of the Meld.. He is clearly shaken..

But Jim is your priority..

You go to Jim and card your fingers in his hair while McCoy scans him.. There is more damage than just the bruises.. Tiny little Jim has a fractured rib... 

You contain yourself.. Wait for the baby's injuries to be healed by the good doctor who is just as saddened and angered as you and you have to remind yourself that he is Jim's best friend and he knows Jim better than anyone.. This has to be hurting him to see Jim so small and afraid and in pain.. You're not the only one whose heart is broken by this recent revelation..

You resolve to be a little less intimidatingly protective because there are other people besides just you who care..

Once the doctor has finished with the mending of the tiny child, you scoop the baby up.. You, Spock and the doctor, all share the same fear.. The same speculation and theory.. But you are all afraid to give voice to it..

The work the doctor has done.. It doesn't hold.. 

Because of course it doesn't.. Because whoever injured Jim all those years ago when he was just a helpless baby never took him to a doctor and because back then Infant Jim had, had to heal without medical intervention, so too, must this Jim as it seems the injured rib and the mottled bruise will continue to go right back to the way they were before they were mended as decades ago that is the pain that Jim was made to suffer with..

Your worse fears are confirmed.. Treating Jim for injuries he suffered as a baby will do nothing because nothing was done for his injuries when he really was a baby.

You watch as McCoy falls apart, shaking, with tears in his eyes as he collapses into the floor with his head in his hands.

Because there is nothing he can do to help this child's suffering.. There is nothing he can do to help his best friend.

Spock does not look any better.

And judging by the finger shaped dents he makes as he grips a metal table, the emotion he is experiencing at the moment, is anger..

How much worse will it get from here?

You are afraid of the answer.

Afraid to see more damage done to the baby in your care.

Afraid to see more proof of Childhood Abuse manifest before your eyes with nothing you can do about it and no one you can punish for it.

You might not have been overly fond of a fully grown (Captain) James Tiberius Kirk before all this mess.. But.. This situation sheds new light on the person that you thought you knew and that you had written off as mostly no good but with charm and luck on his side..

You are slowly learning more about the man you were very close to disdaining and it's making you rethink your past judgements of him.. You are afraid of what all else you might come to know..

Just how much darkness casts its shadow on James Tiberius Kirk's past?


	6. Chapter 6

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..

You manage to talk Spock and the doctor out of keeping Jim in Med-Bay. It's a very near miss but your logic on the matter convinced even Spock who in turn convinced Doctor McCoy.

There is nothing the doctor can do to heal the baby's injuries and there's no point in traumatising him further by having people he clearly fears constantly hovering over him.

You are careful to dress Baby Jim in something that will be easy to get off and on with his ribs injured the way they are. The baby is groggily waking up from the Hypo and he's not happy about it at all. You estimate you have about five seconds to meltdown.

Even as a baby, Jim doesn't do things in halves and he explodes into outraged wailing at exactly the five second mark.

At least you managed to get him halfway dressed.

You escape Med-Bay with the baby in tow. You're careful of his ribs as you carry him to the Botanical Labs where Sulu has managed to get a garden of varieties of unique flora and fauna to grow.

The baby is immediately captivated by the bright colors of one of Sulu's favorite flowers and he makes grabby hands at the bright bloom and stretches to touch it.

Of course you have him well out of reach.. You're not about to potentially accidentally expose the baby to something that he might be allergic to or that might be dangerous in some other way.

Eventually the baby whines then his arms flop down as he seemingly gives up on trying to touch the flower.

Sulu comes over and starts telling you about the plant that has Jim so entranced.

The next thing you know, you look down at the squirmy baby in your hold only to realize he has a handful of pink petals shoved in his mouth and the flower has a bald spot.

The look the baby gives you is such pure cherubic innocent fluff that is so spectacularly telling of his guilt that you have to sigh in resignation then laugh because he's such a little shit.. But he's an adorable little shit that somehow outsmarted you enough to get his way all while right under your nose.

You're going to have to watch him a whole lot closer from now on and dear lord is he gonna be a holy terror when he rediscovers how to walk..


	7. Chapter 7

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..

Thankfully Tiny Jim does not have an allergic reaction to the mouthful of petals.

You risked a finger or two making sure to get every single shredded piece of petal that the baby managed to stuff into his mouth and chew up.

And oh yeah..

He has teeth now..

Boy does he ever have teeth..

And he's a biter..

Because of course he is..

The next stop is The Observation Lounge.. Maybe the sparkling stars will make him happy again.

You're a mean evil person now because you took away his mouthful of petals and you have to do something to get 'that look' off of the baby's face..

The Observation Lounge has nice soft seating and you let the baby down.

He can't spend his entire relived infancy restrained in your arms.

And the room doesn't have much he can get into or many ways he can hurt himself.. Better here than most other places..

The baby crawls, making a beeline for the glass barrier separating him from the stars.

He sits, palms pressed against the glass and coos and babbles serenely. You sneak over, careful not to disturb him but wanting to observe him in this moment of childlike wonder.

You have to keep your breath from hitching.

There's galaxies reflected in his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

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..

The baby is already a little explorer at heart.

You just watch him quietly.

He eventually tears himself away from the window and crawls towards a potted fern..

Nope..

You already learned this lesson earlier in the gardens.

The baby will eat the plant if given half the chance..

You sit down and jangle your bracelets together. The noise distracts the baby as intended and he crawls over to the seating where he pulls himself up and begins cruising along until he gets to you and he starts playing with the bracelets on your wrist and then he makes a noise of aggravated frustration when he can't pry them off your arm.

He plops down with a cranky huff after several failed attempts.

You pick the cranky boy up and take him for snacks in The Rec Room. There's little sandwich cookies and milk available along with fruit.

After he has a full tummy again the baby yawns and plants his face against your shoulder and after a few deep sighs, he falls asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

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..

Okay...

So here's where it all gets complicated..

Yes, of course you were expecting it to happen at some point..

Just not this fast..

Jim is suddenly a toddler..

And all too soon..

All too quickly..

Here is where you battle the age old sorrow that every parent faces when they realize their baby is growing up..

Parent?.. Okay you'll have to reevaluate that one later along with the fact that you just thought of James T. Kirk as your baby.. It's been less than twenty-four hours and already you're already wrapped around the tiny pudgy fingers of a guy you very nearly couldn't stand before all this happened..

But he is damn adorable as a toddler..

And hell in high tops to boot..

He woke up from his nap looking about two years old and you've had to replicate him new clothes and new shoes..

And potty training is suddenly high priority..

Because Jim keeps stripping off his bottoms and peeing in random potted plants..

You've had to wrangle your bare-assed Captain over a dozen times and force him back into some pants..

You're not getting paid nearly enough for this..

Jim thinks it's hilarious though.. Full broad dimpled grin as he runs on chubby legs with his bare butt peeking out under his shirt like he hasn't got a care in the world as you frantically chase behind him, running past laughing Crew Members who are absolutely no help at all..

You spend the rest of the day running yourself ragged by trying to keep up with a toddler that thinks peeing in potted plants and mooning every living being on the ship is the funnest of games..


	10. Chapter 10

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..

Jim the toddler is much more a handful throughout the day than baby Jim was.. No more nap times or drowsy baby cuddles.. Jim is rambunctious and doesn't appear to need sleep..

Like.. At all..

You think the kid would be wound down by bedtime?

Think again!

Apparently night time.. Or well.. The ship's simulation of night time to be precise.. Has some kind of energizing affect on the tot.. 

Jim's even more amped up and ornery at night..

You are exhausted and you need a nap..

Hell it's been .. Well now.. A little over twenty-four hours.. Going on close to thirty-two hours since this all began.. And you already need a day off..

To give yourself credit where it is due you must remember that you've handled several differing stages of child development and the emotionally painful discovery that the baby in your care was horrifically abused all within less than a day and a half.. Soo.. It's actually understandable that you need a little "you time" especially since toddler Jim still sees fit to not allow you to sleep and you began the day already running on fumes as it was from the ordeal with teething ..

You need a nap..

But you have to factor in how much sleep that JIM has technically had considering he's suddenly a toddler and that's months worth of sleeping and waking and eating and playing that he skipped through in a blip.. It all comes down to how much sleep Jim would have been getting at this stage of his actual... uh .. first? .. childhood..

If Jim the toddler had plenty of sleep during his actual first experience as a tot.. Then it's possible he blipped to this stage with a full night's rest and it might be why he's so wired .. And then you don't know how fast he's growing.. It's possible he could already be a week older than when he first woke up .. And each time he ages up he could be hitting that new age as a fully rested kid..

You might not get another wink of sleep again until this thing is over if that's the case!

Okay so maybe you're being dramatic..

You just need a nap..

You lay Jim on a cot in your room because the baby bed is now pointless with Jim being too big for it and at this point a toddler bed might be futile if he ages up so rapidly again and skips straight to being a school aged kid..

And .. Yeah that'll bring its own set of complications like what to tell Jim and HOW to tell Jim in a way that he will understand and not be terrified of suddenly being in a place he might not know or remember when all he might remember is one second being with his mom and the next thing he knows he's somewhere else..

It's a lot to think about. 

You'll just have to cross that canyon when you get there..

For now Jim seems content to just lay in his cot and watch animated children shows on your PADD and while you want to feel bad and guilty at letting a screen be a babysitter, you need sleep and this might be the only way you'll be able to get it for the foreseeable future..


	11. Chapter 11

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..

You wake up to someone poking you on the shoulder and speaking to you..

In Japanese?

The voice is high pitched and sounds young but oh so serious with perfect inflection for the language that flows freely and surprisingly understably from the speaker's mouth as if the speaker themselves is a native speaker of the language.

You're groggy.. So excusably you are confused as you fight to open your eyes..

The words..

All in perfect Japanese..

"Excuse me, could you please tell me who you are?.. Are you a friend of my mother? A Star-Fleet person she hired to babysit me?.. I do not know you and I do not remember being brought here .. I hope you speak Japanese as well as I do because I saw the book on your bedside table and just assumed that since the title was in Japanese that you at least understood Japanese.. I notice the book is by Hoshi Sato.. Do you know her, are you one of her students?!.. Oh if you are then me too!... Well in a way.. My mom is friends with her Great-Niece and I spend time with them a lot so maybe my mother brought me to Hoshi because maybe my mother had to go to space and maybe you are one of Hoshi's students too and that would make sense.. Maybe I was sleeping when my mother brought me here.. Mom says I sleep like a rock."

The young voice rambles and despite some of the words being used do not actually existing in the Japanese language the speaker flows around it like it's normal using Japanese slang words that aren't exactly officially part of the actual language or slipping in some Federation Standard to substitute for words that do not exist or for words that have double meanings and without the right inflection could mean something else entirely from what is trying to be conveyed.

You crack open an eye and peer up at a young Jim who honestly is not even an inch taller than when you shut your eyes for a nap, yet here he is not rampaging through the room like a wild toddler on the loose and he is talking to you.. Speaking calmly, clearly and concisely in Japanese like it's the first and possibly only language he learned at this age aside from a few sparse words of English.. And hell it just might be.. Did you really just hear him mention Hoshi Sato or were you just dreaming, hallucinating, things?

With how well the boy speaks the language like he was taught by the very best of the best, you're inclined to believe that you weren't dreaming or hallucinating the mention of Hoshi Sato as she was indeed a master at Xenolinguistics.

Well..

You have no idea how to really answer young Jim's questions or how much to tell him so you tread carefully to avoid answering.

"I speak many languages." You reply to the boy, speaking in Vulcan, in liu of an answer.

"Oh wow." The boy gives a shocked whisper of awe and speaks in English before also switching to Vulcan.

"Fascinating." The boy says with the perfect stoic seriousness of a Vulcan.

But then he cracks a smile "I see Hoshi has taught you lots of stuff." he says it in English.

"How old are you, Jim?" You ask.

"I just turned two, today is my birthday." He says like speaking at least three different languages at only two isn't a big deal.

But if he is only two right now.. Then how old was he only a couple of hours earlier when you had to chase him pantless through the halls of The Enterprise?.. Hell he hasn't even grown out of the clothes he has on now, yet, so he couldn't have been that much younger!

That's when you realize you're an idiot..

All the time Jim babbled at you.. All the times he's flailed his hands at you.. And you hadn't thought anything of it..

But you can look back on it because it is recent and therefore fresh in your memory..

The hand movements had been Federation Sign Language and what you had thought was baby babble upon further inspections of your memories had been hodgepodges of mashed up languages, Polish, Klingon, Andorian, Hebrew, just to name a few.. 

Now that you thought about it..

You're pretty sure at one point he had specifically said point blank something akin to "Fine lady if you won't take me to the bathroom then I'll just piss in every plant I see!" in a random mash up of languages and then when running from you he may have said something very unkind in Klingon about how you couldn't put clothes on his ass until you could learn to wipe your own..

You just stare at him with your mouth hanging open now that you suddenly realize that he had been younger than two and flinging insults at you in Klingon and then laughing at you purposefully mocking you as he ran bare assed through the ship in another intended insult towards you..

You're supposed to be one of the best Xenolinguists, damn it.. How did you not catch on sooner?

You honestly cannot blame Jim in the slightest though.. Because if you were faced with suddenly appearing amongst strangers without full knowledge of how you got there or why you were there or what the strangers were intending .. You'd be a little shit about it too..

And plus, Jim does not seem to remember that he already knows you so he clearly does not remember the things that happened only hours earlier.. 

Right now Jim is being polite, though he is clearly confused and afraid, but he is being calm and communicating.. The book on your nightstand helped with that..

And holy crap..

Jim can read.. in Japanese.. at two-years-old?..


	12. Chapter 12

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..

You are smart..

You promise..

It's not your fault that running on little sleep and barely any caffeine has caused you a lack of mental faculties..

You're starting to get why the CMO and The Chief Engineer on this ship constantly find ways to get a hold of and drink alcoholic beverages.

You wonder if the good doctor might have a nice couple of swigs of whiskey stashed somewhere near Med-Bay..

Because yeah..

You're gonna have to take Jim there again.

Jim can speak now, can hold a reasonably intelligent conversation now.

Sure he's only two..

But beggars can't be choosers.

This version of Jim might be the best, maybe the only, chance to get Captain James Tiberius Kirk back to his fully grown self.

And you're shelving the fact that this tiny tot actually knew Hoshi freaking Sato.. Your idol.. And that he actually had the luck and the honor to have not only been taught by her, but apparently to have also been regarded as close as family by her.

You're also shelving that you know how, when and where Hoshi Sato died..

Because this tiny version of Jim doesn't know those things yet, in his young mind Hoshi Sato still lives, still passes down her knowledge.

And the way he talked about how his mom constantly sends him to stay with Hoshi Sato's Great-Niece and thus implied staying with or close to Hoshi Sato.. It implies that this young version of Jim has been sent to Tarsus IV to visit them frequently..

You know that the Famine and Massacre on Tarsus IV wouldn't have happened until Jim was in double digits, so for now, the boy has no idea how badly things will go for the people on that planet, how badly things will go for such close friends of his family.

But what if ??

What if those frequent visits Jim speaks of continued on into his preteens?

What if Jim was on that Planet, with Hoshi Sato and her family during ..???

Yeah..

You're definitely shelving all of that in its entirety.. No need to put the cart before the horse.

There is every possible chance that Jim had been safe on Earth during that horrific time. Of course it would have stil affected young Jim to learn that his friends, his beloved teacher, had died in such a way, but at the very least he wouldn't have been there..

You don't want to think about the possibility that Jim was there when it all happened.. Almost any other scenario is preferable. You do not want to know, to find out, to see, the outcome of if he was there.. You don't think your soul could handle that kind of crushing weight.

For now, this young Jim is obliviously free of having to know or reveal that potential future.. Is it wrong of you to want to keep him safe from that potential as long as possible?.. You feel like you've already failed him enough as it is.. To know that he might have went through that at all, that he might go through it all again and that there is nothing you can do but sit by helplessly and watch and fail him and fail him and keep on failing him because there is no help for him other than for him to grow up from him the way he already did the first time?..

You feel like having the same sort of breakdown you watched Doctor McCoy have just yesterday, because it's just too dark of a realization.. And Jim?.. Jim might have had to actually live through it and might have to live through it again...

You hope that Spock can figure out how to get Jim back to his adult self back today.. 

Before you have to know..

Before you have to see..

Jim could just go back to being an adult and The Captain and you can pretend that you never reached the conclusions you already have come to without wanting too..

Jim having done whatever it took to beat The Kobayashi Mari because he had just had to prover that even a No Win Scenario could be beaten suddenly looks different when you shine a different light on it..

And everyone knows the story of nine children that somehow escaped the massacre on Tarsus IV and survived that No Win Scenario, of the child that kept those other children safe and led raids to loot for food, medical supplies and equipment that was used to handbuild a Communications Device and reach out to Star Fleet for emergency aid using a Code hidden in multiple languages that took Hoshi Sato's old Captain to break because only someone who had actually known her could have managed to break that Code just like only someone who had known her could have actually written that Code...


	13. Chapter 13

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..

"Where are we going?" Wide blue eyes inquire up at you.

And oh yeah..

Jim is asking this in Vietnamese.

Ever since finding out that you speak multiple languages, Jim has seen fit to switch the languages he speaks every few words or sentences like he's challenging you, testing you, pushing to catch you out as some kind of imposter that will eventually slip up and prove that you're not being entirely honest with him because as you responded to him in each language he's used he's watched you analyzing each movement of your face and body and each inflection you use when you speak .. He's whip smart and each time you speak you know that he might see some kind of a Tell that proves him right. It's like chess except Jim is using languages as the pieces knowing he can eventually put you in Check-Mate the second you use the wrong inflection or the wrong bodily expression or if your face does something not quite right.

Because you're not being entirely honest with him.. Are you?

And he seems to already know it.

He just hasn't figured out what you're hiding from him yet.

"We're going to see some of my friends." You tell him.

It's been an Olympic Feat of balancing just how much is too much and how much is not enough when giving this young version of Jim any sort of response to anything he says or asks and to not accidentally broadcast that you are indeed hiding something from him specifically by some kind of Tell coming out.

The boy nods and walks beside you, holding your hand and sticking closely to your side.

You get him to Med-Bay without incident.

Spock is already there with Doctor McCoy.

The CMO gets eye level with Jim and says "Hi, you must be Jim." 

Jim just looks up at you then nods at the doctor before practically hiding behind your leg.

You follow Jim's eyeline from where he stands right behind you and he's actually looking cautiously up at Spock like Spock might be a vicious animal that could attack at any moment.

"Jim, these are my friends. Spock and Leonard." You gesture to each man as you say their name as an attempt to introduce them to the child.

"I don't like them." Jim whispers in Navajo, you're surprised that he knows a Native American language and it would be a real test of your skill if you hadn't written several papers on how Navajo language was used to create secret coded messages during the second world war. You wonder how the boy would just know that you would know the language he's speaking or if it's just a lucky guess or perhaps like several other who learn many languages at such a young age, maybe Jim just switches on accident and at random without even realizing it and maybe it's your own guilty conscious that's been trying to catch yourself out in the act.

You smile down at him.

"It's okay.. They're friends."

"Your friends.. Not mine." Jim replies.

Thankfully Jim didn't say that in Federation Standard or else Doctor McCoy would have been hurt by such words even knowing that this version of Jim didn't know him.. Unfortunately.. Spock did understand what Jim said and the Vulcan looked saddened by the words.

You just gave a subtle shake of your head and an apologetic shrug in Spock's direction trying to convey not to take it personally because Jim didn't know.. How could he?

It is more difficult and definitely feels way more unethical and a lot more like the worse sort of breech of young Jim's fragile trust when it comes to rendering this version of Jim unconscious.. Because he's older now and he can actually understand that he's being betrayed by you.

But it happens..

After some struggle and a lot of crying..

It happens and Jim is now laid unconscious on the Bio-Bed and you hate yourself.

You can't believe what you've done what you might have just sacrificed especially if there's still no answers yet and Jim wakes up remembering even just a little of what happened.

He may never trust you again after this.

Spock places his hand to Jim's face initiating a Meld.

Why?

Why couldn't you have just waited?

Waited until Jim aged up a little more?

Well there's always the possibility that he might not have aged up again and.. And okay if you had waited Jim might have discovered just how amiss things were and thought the worst like thinking he had been kidnapped and tried to escape or alert authorities which would not have ended well for anyone especially Jim.

So..

You did the right thing here.

You just have to make yourself believe that you did the right thing.

And then just hope that Spock finds the answer to get Jim back to his fully grown self.

So that you don't have to see the betrayal in the two-years-old Jim's eyes if Spock fails.


	14. Chapter 14

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..

The Meld is apparently intense if Spock's facial expressions is anything to go by. And they have to be. Because you've never seen Spock so emotive.

But Spock says nothing.

Not narrating his findings like he did last time and you think that maybe now, Spock has his own pieces of Jim to protect. An intimate glimpse into the Jim's child aged mind that he won't betray by sharing it with others.

Spock ends the Meld and shakes his head in the negative.

He found nothing to help get Jim back to his adult self 

And he won't say what he did see.

Spock is leaving you to deal with the consequences of the fallout from this.

But maybe you deserve it?

Maybe Spock saw how betrayed Jim felt by what you've done and just couldn't share what he saw in Jim's mind and risk making Jim feel further hurt by what has happened should he eventually fully age up to his adult self and remember what you have all done.. At the very least he wouldn't have expected more from you because you were not any sort of really close to him but he might be severely hurt and disappointed by what his friends have done.

And maybe Spock just can't risk more harm to his friendship with Jim so soon after they've finally started getting along.

You have less to lose in the grand scheme of things because once this is all over.. Do you really expect a friendship with a fully grown Jim?

Can you expect that after what you've done?

Yes you might lose the toddler Jim's trust.. But you won't lose adult Jim's friendship ..

Because you weren't really his friend to begin with before this.

You don't have as much to lose and therefore you have more that you can afford to risk when it comes to this.

Or so that is what you believe Spock's Logic is.

Damn him for just assuming that you would be okay with him closing that door without yours or Jim's input.

You're actually glad things didn't work out between you and Spock if this cold logic that could cut you out of Jim's young life when he needs you is somehow acceptable for Spock without caring what it does to you or what it might do to Jim when neither you nor young Jim are ready for such a severing of that connection, of that trust, that you built with young Jim.

But hadn't you, yourself already began unraveling that tie to Jim through your own indirect deception?

Maybe you can't blame Spock with guarding his own little part of Jim so fiercely. Because in all honesty you're the piece that doesn't fit on the board so moving you into a sacrificial position, offering you up to be so easily removed because he's leaving you in the dark is the logical thing to do.

But you are not the only that Spock is leaving in the dark on this.

You can't forget about how before all this McCoy was/IS Jim's best friend and Spock is leaving him to flounder in the dark too by not at least giving you or McCoy a heads up about how all of this might be affecting Jim, how it might affect Jim once they get him back to his grown-up self.

And no.. Just no..

You can't allow Spock to put his friendship with Jim no matter how new and fragile it might be above Leonard's friendship with Jim because a perceived betrayal by an old friend could be more damaging for Jim.

You might not need to know but Leonard does.

"Spock.. What did you see?" You're trying to convey patience.. But the edge of frustration you feel gives you away.

Spock swallows.

"It is as it was before. I could not find anything of use to assist in restoring Jim to his adult self. The only thing I found inside of Jim's mind were the terrified thoughts of a geniusly brilliant child. He is afraid of us all." Spock sounds as if he may be on the verge of sobbing.

And oh..

Oh..

"Is there anything.. Anything we can do?.. Anything at all?" You ask with sadness in your own voice.

Spock only shakes his head sadly "We can only hope that it does not take long for Jim to age again.. It may be our only hope of Jim not remembering what we have done."


	15. Chapter 15

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..

And herein lies the kicker..

When Jim ages again, god willing he ages up, it's only just occurred to you that he could start aging backward at any time, you, McCoy and Spock are all going to be right back here in Med-Bay ready to do this to Jim AGAIN.. Because you have to get Jim back to fully grown as quickly as possible before the wrong someones in too high of a place in The Chain Of Command gets wind of this.

So this..

Repetitively knocking Jim unconscious so Spock can Meld with him and try to find the answers to undoing what was done..

That.. Is the foreseeable future..

Unless..

Well at just two-years-old, Jim is already a genius..

So maybe...

Maybe you should just put all cards on the table and tell him..

Have Spock SHOW HIM if necessary..

It's better than the alternatives.

After thirty minutes the sedative wears off and Jim begins to wake.

You can see visible signs that Jim is growing as he comes out of the sedative induced slumber.

First by an inch .. Then a foot... Then two feet.. When Jim reaches around four feet tall, you're glad the blanket covers him because he definitely just grew out of his toddler clothes and those clothes are probably ripped apart by the growth leaving Jim .. Well.. Probably naked or close to it.

Jim jolts upright, the blanket slipping down revealing an emaciated body covered in wounds.

Jim sees McCoy coming out of his Office, it's like Jim never noticed you sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, Jim sees McCoy and makes an aggressive noise before flinging himself backwards off the bed.. And yep he is naked.. Then Jim scurries sideways and bolts past the shocked doctor and escapes out the door only to bounce off of Spock's chest to land in the floor.

Jim shrieks and starts fighting with everything he has..

And Spock lets out a howl of agony as Jim bites Spock on the hand one of the most sensitive areas for a Vulcan, Jim clamps on and like a pitbull does not let go, making Spock wail in pain.

You creep closer as McCoy shakes himself from his stupor and approaches Jim receiving a kick to the groin for his effort.

McCoy hunches over.

Jim growls, Spock's hand is still clutched in Jim's jaws..

You don't have any sort of hypo close to subdue Jim so you get in his line of sight hoping that this works, that you aren't wrong.

"J.T. please.. Let us help you."

Jim looks up at you and lets go of Spock's hand. Spock falls back from Jim to recuperate against a wall.

"You're not with Kodos." It's an observation not a question. Because of course you couldn't have been with Kodos because you would have been on the kill list just for the color of your skin so there's no way you can be an adult with this dark of skin and still alive unless this isn't Tarsus IV ..

Because only a small group of children escaped the massacre of Tarsus IV alive.

"No... I'm with Starfleet." You tell him "And so are they." You gesture to McCoy and Spock.

"Where are my kids?" Its more of a demand than anything.

"They were taken from Tarsus IV by another Starship. You weren't found until after them." From what you know of the story this is entirely accurate information because of course Jim bears marks of brutal torture and worse, horribly unspeakable violations, and that means he can only be the one person to have suffered directly at the hands of a man dubbed The Executioner and still lived to tell the tale, meaning that Jim really wasn't found until last because he had been kept in the basement of The Governor's Mansion and tortured by Kodos and his men.. 

Jim's nudity reveals everything including the other horrors he had endured at the hands of Kodos and his Minions.

The blood smeared on the child's thighs and backside speaks of injuries you had already feared him having endured when he was still small and speaking so excitedly about Hoshi Sato. You hate having the evidence that you were right to fear this conclusion right in front of you.

Jim is skeletal and covered in scars, welts, cuts, bruises, filth, fecal matter, blood, urine and worse, remnants of ejaculate, his hollow haunted eyes warily track you and McCoy as Jim backs away and gets Spock in front of him where Spock too can be watched by Jim's fearful gaze..

"You.. You know my name?" Jim asks.

"I know a lot of things about you, like right now you're only twelve-years-old, but day before yesterday you were only six months old and the day before that you were a fully grown man.. The Captain of this very ship.."

"Nyota.." Spock says in warning..

"No .. We need to tell him the truth.. There is no way we can help Jim get back to fully grown unless we tell him the truth because if we don't then it would be unethical for you to Meld with him if he tries to fight it and it would be unethical for any of us to try to sedate him for you to Meld with him against his Will... Look at him.. Enough has been done to him against his Will as it is." Your voice is filled with conviction as Jim looks at you with disbelief but then he looks at Spock and realization that Spock is Vulcan and not denying what you've said dawns on Jim's features.

"Oh." It's a whisper. 

But then Jim looks at Spock.

"Zarin?" Jim asks "Zarin I'm so sorry.. I didn't know it was you.. If I had known.. You know I would never hurt you if I known.. Right?.. Zarin, please, I'm so sorry." He has crouched down level with Spock's huddled form. 

"And Amai" he looks up at you.. "You've grown up.. Oh my god you look just like Namaiki. She and Hoshi would be so proud of you.. " this is said with sadness and happiness mixed together

"Oh god.. Thomas.. Wait no your face isn't.. You can't be Thomas.. And Kevin was younger than us.. John?.. There's no way.. I thought I saw you die.." Jim is looking at McCoy this time.

Jim thinks that you, Spock and McCoy are other survivors of The Tarsus IV Massacre all grown up.

Jim looks down at himself and blushes "Oh my god I'm naked. Amai! Look away!"


	16. Chapter 16

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..

It's almost as horrible as having this twelve-year-old version of Jim look at you with total fear in his gaze..

This.. This .. 

He thinks that YOU are one of the kids from Tarsus IV all grown up like he can't fathom anyone else accepting him as a Captain as a leader..

He called Spock "Zarin" and Doctor McCoy "John".. John as in John Harrison, the identity that Kahn had pilfered.. 

And here Jim thinks that you are someone named "Amai", that you look just like someone named "Namaiki" and he said "Namaiki" and Hoshi both would be proud of you.. You can only assume that this Amai that Jim believes you to be must have been related to Hoshi Sato ..

If she was then she never left Tarsus IV alive because none of Hoshi Sato's family survived Tarsus IV.

Which means she died after Jim was taken captive by Kodos and his minions, thus this version of Jim wouldn't know that.

You don't know if John or Zarin survived or if they were among the many that died during the time J.T. had been held prisoner, just that a group of twenty children on The Kill List had managed to escape The Massacre and of those twenty children only J.T. and eight others had left Tarsus IV alive. And in all honesty, the nine surviving children had been only just barely alive. From what you know.. When the fabled J.T. had been found the boy had been in much worse condition than the Jim that is here.. Meaning that Jim's real twelve-year-old self wasn't even saved yet. It's possible this version of Jim is or was in his first or second week of a five week long captivity. Meaning the damage, the emaciation that you see now, is only going to get worse.

You've averted your gaze as the boy asked and Jim wraps himself in a sheet while you replicate him some clothes... You go for loose clothes so as to avoid irritating his injuries and listen to Doctor McCoy be smart enough to ask Jim if he can scan him ..

But the doctor didn't correct Jim's assumption about his identity.. Spock hasn't said anything.. And you?

You feel like a fraud..

Yes Jim knows that he is actually a fully grown man somehow de-aged to this version of himself but he doesn't know the full truth..

He doesn't know that you are not this person that he thinks you are..

Sure he's being cooperative and even amicable as the doctor looks him over and you hand him clothes to dress in..

But what's the cost?

You don't want to abandon Jim.. But you need to not be here.. To not hear Jim call McCoy "John" or Spock "Zarin" and the two men not correct Jim about who they aren't. 

Because you haven't told Jim yet either and you have no room to talk.

You slip out of Med-Bay and then practically break into a run, just letting your feet carry you, right now, even you don't know your destination.

You just flee on auto-pilot.

You wind up in the bowels of the machine room.. There's engines and steam and moving parts and noise...

And peace.

You want to laugh, because who would think that you of all people would find peace in this chaos?

You wander around, there's row after row of motors that are the size of small houses.

You find a section where maintenance was being done, there's pipes laying against a wall, held to the wall with brackets so they don't go rolling, they aren't hot to the touch so you sit down on them and just watch the movement of the motors.

"Wow.. I can't believe my wifey just abandoned me." Jim has snuck up on you and is sitting entirely too close like a weird creepy little shadow, he's leaning way into your personal space and looking at you with his eyebrows raised and he's got a salacious looking grin on his face..

"Excuse me?" You're almost pissed but you just can't be.

"Oh come on, Amai, we talked about it so much.. Are you saying?.. We really didn't get married and try to adopt Kevin and T'Amar the second we turned eighteen? .. Oh god... T'Amar.. She was just a baby and Kevin was only two.. Did.. Did they.. Are they gone?.. Did they not make it?.. Is that why you hate me?"

"What?!" You exclaim "I don't hate you!"

Because of course that's the thing you latched onto.

"You need to get back to Med-Bay.. You're hurt and.." 

"Nah" Jim interrupts you with a wave of his hand "After being experimented on and tortured by doctors and scientists under the orders of Kodos, Med-Bay is kind of the last place I wanna be... Even if John and Zarin are the ones .. You know.. I just can't be there right now.. So I escaped while they weren't looking!"

Oh boy.. Doctor McCoy is probably gonna have kittens.. But you get it..

"How'd you find me?" You have to ask.

"Well you always did like anything mechanical.. I mean sure you're great at languages because as Hoshi's great-niece, of course you are, but your heart's always belonged to machines." He says it with a shrug.

It brings you up short because before today you've never been to this part of the ship and anyone who actually knows you, would have never have found you because they would never have thought to look here. But Jim found you by just knowing the girl that he thinks you are.

It's like her spirit guided you here.

"So we're really not married?" Jim asked and it sounds sorrowful.

"We're not married." 

Jim gives a chuckle that's full of sadness and self-loathing.. "Is it because of Namaiki?.. Is it because I loved her?.. I did, I did love her.. . But then she and Hoshi were gone.. And I know we never talked about it.. We just ran because all we were then were kids.. We were just scared kids.. But as much as I loved Namaiki.. I meant what I said.. In the mountains when I told you I loved you.. When I told you I wanted to marry you someday, that I wanted us to try to adopt the younger kids and raise them together.. When I saw you.. Alive and realised it was you.."

"Stop." You interrupt him because you have to.. You can't listen to this intimate confession that reveals too much about the night you first met James Tiberius Kirk.

He had thought you were her.. That night in Riverside, Iowa.. He had thought you were her.. This girl named Amai that he thinks you are right now.

He had thought he had found the girl he had loved and lost as a child. He had seen you and had for a moment thought that she was somehow alive.

And Jim had already been pretty drunk that night.

Everything that followed that night.. All other interactions with him that had happened after the fight in the bar..

That had been Jim trying to save face..

Because he couldn't exactly ever tell you that you looked enough like someone he had once loved that just seeing you breaks his heart all over again so he has to chase you away by annoying you and flirting at you. Because looking at you hurts him.

Jim seems uneasy like he can sense your anger.

"Hey..".. He says it far too gently "It's okay.. I mean we were kids.. And I shouldn't have .. I mean.. it's okay that you grew up not wanting the same thing as when we were kids.."

"Stop." It's a little more forceful this time.. "My name.. It's not Amai.. I just didn't know how to tell you that I'm not her.. I know that you were on Tarsus IV as a child but I was never there.. You're my Captain and I'm just.. I'm just your Chief Communications Officer.. I didn't think you would see me and think I was one of the other kids that survived The Tarsus IV Massacre with you.. I'm sorry Jim.."

"Oh.." Jim whispers. "I'm sorry .. I did just kind of bowl over you without really letting you get a word in edgewise.. I'm sorry if I offended you.. Or got too all up in your bubble.."

You just smile sadly.. "No.. It's fine.. I understand.."

Jim looks at the floor his face looks longing, lonely "If you know I was there.. On Tarsus IV.. Do know what happened to any of the others?" Jim shakes his head "I don't wanna ask John or Zarin.. Especially Zarin.. T'Amar was his little sister and if she didn't make it... I.. I don't want him to have to be the one that tells me." Jim lets out a sob.. "And little Kevin Riley he was only two.. He and T'Amar were the youngest out of all of us kids.. And Thomas Leighton.. Well.. Half his face was burned really bad and I don't know.. I just want to know.. Do you know who all lived?" Jim is looking at you pleadingly.

"I think maybe when you get you back to your fully grown self..."

"No!.." Jim shouts.. "I don't want to wait!.. I need to know... They're my family!.. I love them!.. Tell me.. Please!"

"Kevin Riley is seventeen-years-old.. He's a genius.. He's currently working in Engineering.. Right here on The Enterprise." You tell him this because at least it's true.. And because.. You can't bear to tell him anything else about what all you know.


	17. Chapter 17

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..

"Take me to him." Jim says, it's pleading, but nervous and scared at the same time.

Engineering isn't far from where the two of you are.. You walk Jim through the maze of The Enterprise's insides and come out in Engineering, Scotty is practically up in the rafters welding something to something else, "Scotty!" You yell over the noise.

"Wha'ya dohen ennn theze parz, Lieutena?" Scotty shouts down his accent is thick "Oi that be our Captain?.. He twas a wee barn when last I heard!"

"I need to borrow Ensign Riley for a little while!" You shout in reply.

"Riley!" Scotty shouts "Lieutena Uhura be needin you, laddy!"

Riley appears out of a Jeffries Tube with his hair askew and grease smeared on his cheek and forehead.

"Oh my god.. J.T.?" Ensign Riley says in awe, his accent has a light Irish lilt.

"You grew up." Jim says with a laugh.

"Before I give you two some privacy.. Jim.. There are a few more things I need to tell you.." You dread having to do it but at least you have someone here who actually did know this version of Jim.

"Yeah okay. What is it?" Jim asks.

"The men in Med-Bay.. Their names are Doctor Leonard McCoy.. But you call him Bones.. And the Vulcan .. His name is Spock, he's your First Officer.. As far as I know.. Ensign Riley is the only Crew Member on board that was with you on Tarsus IV."

Jim's eyes become downcast..

"That's.. That's um.. Unexpected.. But.. I guess I can see what sort of position all of this must put everyone in.. I can get why they were careful and didn't tell me.. Of course I really didn't give them a lot of opportunity to say much .. Like with you.. I kind of didn't let them get a word in edgewise." His smile is self-depricating. He's taking the blame onto his own shoulders.

But you, Spock and Leonard you're supposed to have been the adults.. It's like you and they forgot that Jim's still just a kid right now.. The responsibility of this situation is on you, it's on Spock and it's on Leonard.

"Hey no.. Don't blame yourself.. We should have found a way to say something at the start." You tell him and your voice is fierce, brooking no argument "None of this is your fault.. It's our faults for taking the easy way out and for taking advantage of a misunderstanding."

"But I could have made it easier.." Jim tries..

"Absolutely not." You say with a smile "We're the ones that should have done things differently."

"Wow.. You're so.. Weird." Jim says scrunching his nose.

"Go talk to your friend." You swat at him playfully.

"You're such a mom." Jim sasses but his smile is dimpled and his eyes are shining with his strong firey spirit.

Jim jogs over to where Riley is standing and you watch as Riley puts a companionable arm around Jim's shoulder and you get a glimpse of the past as you imagine that once upon a time Riley was the smaller of the two with Jim's arm around his shoulder..


	18. Chapter 18

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..

You stay close enough that Jim knows you didn't just leave him again but you're far enough away that you can't overhear his conversation with Riley.

You're still close enough to know that it's emotionally volatile.

Jim cries, balls his hands into fists, he paces, stomping with each step.. Riley remains a patient presence by his side, if Jim cries, Riley cries, if Jim paces, Riley paces.. Riley moves in tandem, mirroring everything Jim does so that Jim doesn't do it or go through it alone.. 

When Jim lets out a scream of anguish, so does Riley..

Scotty just goes about his business as if none of this is happening.

Finally Jim gets it all out of his system or enough out of it out of his system for now and he says into Riley who just holds him up with a hug telling Jim it's his turn to take care of Jim now.. Jim just huffs out a wet laugh "That's my job.. I'm the one who's supposed to take care of you."

"Not anymore.. Now I'M the older one." Riley says brazenly.

"But I'm the Captain." Jim pouts.

"Yeah.. But even then it's okay to let someone else take care of you." Riley tells him.

Jim just shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

"Well, I guess Lieutenant Uhura and I better get back to Med-Bay.."

"Wait.." You interrupt Jim "You're willing going back to Med-Bay?"

"To not In.. You're going in and telling the doctor and the Vulcan that if they want to do this thing where we try to get me back to an adult then we're doing it in a place that's not Med-Bay.. And we're doing it without sedating me into unconsciousness." He looks pointedly at you.

"You remember all that?" You ask.

"Remember?.. I'm pretty sure I lived it like yesterday.. But no.. Riley gave me a rundown on what all has been tried to get me back to my fully grown self.. And I figure that if we're gonna do it we might as well do it right."


	19. Chapter 19

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..

On your way back to Med-Bay Jim walks beside you.. "So.. I uh.. I must have been such a spectacle with all the crying and screaming and stuff." He's embarrassed.

"Not at all." You assure him.

"Uh.. Kevin.. Um.. Kevin was telling me who.. Who all.. Didn't make it."

"Oh.." You stop your stride and face him he seems to need to talk about it.

"Yeah.. And I mean when I was taken captive there were still fifteen other kids left.. For me to find out that number had dropped to eight while I was gone.. It hurt.. It felt like failure.."

"It wasn't your fault.."

"I know.. Kevin got through to me.." Jim replies. " You know.. I called myself J.T. on Tarsus IV because I just didn't want to be a Kirk.. I wanted to break free of my father's shadow.. But lesson to my pre-teen self.. Going by just J.T. meant none of the other kids could find me and I didn't know all the other kids' last names... Plus I didn't know who all didn't make it so I couldn't have exactly called up every single Thomas Leighton, Kevin Riley or John Harrison in existence asking them something like that just because Thomas', John's and Kevin's were the only other kids whose last names I knew .. Kevin didn't even know that I .. Um.. That your Captain was .. Well.. Me.. Because I went by just J.T. ... He didn't know what happened to me.. and I guess as a grown up I didn't know that he was the same Kevin Riley as the kid I knew when Riley came onto The Enterprise.. He says I've never asked or tried to drop a hint to try to see if it was him.. I guess I must've been pretty scared what the answer might be.. The other kids.. Well.. Thomas .. The one with the burnt face.. He lived.. by some damn miracle, but he lived.. Thomas and one of the other kids that was with us on Tarsus IV, a girl named Martha, got married when they turned eighteen and they adopted and raised Kevin and one of the other younger kids, a little girl named Elizabeth.. Zarin and T'Amar were sent to live on Vulcan.. And yeah.. Kevin had to tell me about what happened to Vulcan.. Zarin and T'Amar were there .. T'Amar and Zarin made it off the planet but their Clan didn't.. John.. He survived Tarsus IV but was killed a few years back so a lunatic could assume his identity.. I guess you kinda know about said lunatic since he kinda temporarily killed me.. And.. Amai.. She became a Biomechanical Engineer.."

"Amai is alive?" You ask sounding surprised.

"Yeah.." Jim nods "Her last name wasn't Sato at the time of the massacre so all the stuff saying Hoshi Sato's whole family died was wrong.. So she showed up on the Survivor List under her last name and she never told anyone she was part of Hoshi's family.. A lot of the kids that escaped the massacre buried parts of themselves on that planet and she needed to break free of Hoshi Sato's shadow.. No one understands that better than me.. But I never knew her last name.."

So the night you met Jim Kirk actually makes a lot more sense now..

You resume walking and Jim waits outside the doors while you tell an apoplectic Leonard and a slightly miffed Spock that you found Jim, they can both calm down and that Jim wants to do whatever has to be done in a place that is not Med-Bay..

You relay this information and the two men follow behind you as you head for the door.

The door swishes open..

And there behind the door is fully grown man with gold hair and blue eyes that stare at you..

The man is laying on the floor.. His stare is hollow..

Leonard's scan tells you what all three of you already know but none of you ever thought to think of..

Jim aged up again while you were in Med-Bay ..

Unfortunately he aged up to the exact moment of his death in the warp core...


	20. Chapter 20

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..

Leonard had some of Jim's blood samples from right after the transfusion of Khan's blood and he still had samples from the tribble that had come back from the dead after being injected with Khan's blood..

When Jim had died, it had taken an hour to realise that Khan's blood could bring Jim back and another hour to complete the transfusion. Altogether it had taken three hours after Jim's death for Jim to start showing signs of life..

Leonard was going to give Jim only two hours to show signs of life and if he didn't Leonard was going to isolate Khan's blood from the available samples and give Jim the same transfusion that brought him back to life the first time...

At exactly the two hour mark, Leonard had an already prepared hypo in his hand and was about to inject Jim in the neck..

But he didn't need to..

You haven't left Jim's side since finding him like that in front of the Med-Bay doors..

When the monitor picks up the faint, weak, spark of brain activity, you feel like your own heart just started beating for the first time..

When Jim starts breathing you let out a sigh of relief..

When Leonard and Spock aren't paying attention because they're busy with going over the readings coming from Jim's Bio-Bed, you take the opportunity to run your hand over Jim's hair like you did when he was a baby, your free hand is clasped around Jim's where Spock and Leonard can't see because of how the blanket lays..

For two weeks Jim lays in a semi-comatose state..

Just like the last time he died..

The Reports get written.. From what The Brass will read it will look like another failed attempt on Captain Jim Kirk's life, just another day on The Enterprise as far as The Admirality is concerned and the rebels that had caused this mess to begin with are taken back to their planet by Officials from their Homeworld..

The rebels never said how or why they did what they did.. Leaving everyone who cares about Jim without answers and with a hope that Jim doesn't suddenly become an infant again or that Jim doesn't suddenly just start rapidly aging forward becoming elderly right before everyone's eyes..

You're by his bedside when Jim gasps and opens his eyes..

Spock and Leonard are also there..

Jim blinks at all of you "Khan!.." he exclaims "The ship!.. Marcus!.." he rambles as he struggles to sit up but Leonard puts a hand on his chest and pushes Jim back down.

"The ship is safe, Khan is dealt with and Admiral Marcus is gone." Leonard tells him.

"Is that the last thing you remember?" You ask him..

He looks at you like he's confused about why you of all people are by his bedside right now.

"Yes?" He says it like a question like he doesn't know what all else there might be to remember, like he doesn't know how much time has passed since what happened with Khan.. "No?" he reanswers with a wince and rubs at his forehead "I don't know.. It feels like this isn't the first time this happened.." he finally concludes "But the room was different.. Bones asked me if I was feeling homicidal?.. Bones, did you tell me to stop being so melodramatic, I was barely dead?"

"Yeah.. Jim.." Bones replied "That happened over two years ago."

"Two years?!" Jim exclaimed as he tried to sit up again but Leonard pushed him back down "Did I slip into some kind of coma for TWO YEARS?!"

"No." Leonard tells him reassuringly.. ".. I know I call you an infant all the time.. But.. You just have some gaps in your knowledge because some rebels kidnapped you and turned you into an actual infant.. You only just now aged back up to your adult self about two weeks ago but your body went through dying again because that's what your real body did when you were this age.. . Technically you're still almost three years younger than you're supposed to be."

"So I was a baby and then.. I just became a grown up again?" Jim asks..

"Well.. No.." You tell him hesitantly "You were aged down to six months old and from there you aged up about four times before aging up to a toddler, after that you skipp ahead all the way to a pre-teen and then you aged up to the self you were about two-and-a-half years ago.."

Jim looked dazed as he took in all of what you told him.. Then he became tense.

"Wait.. You saw me as a pre-teen?.. How old was my pre-teen self?" 

"Older than ten, younger than thirteen." Leonard tells him.

Jim gave a tight nod "I was twelve.. Wasn't I?" Jim said it with a shudder.

Leonard gave a minute nod.

"So then you all know I was on Tarsus IV during the massacre." 

"We do." Spock replied "Jim, the only thing that knowledge changes is that we have come to realize that you are stronger and more admirable than we had all previously already knew and for me I gained the realization that when I had first met you my presumptions were all wrong.. You have proven that a No-Win scenario can be beaten by someone with persistent enough determination, as you continue to beat every No-Win Scenario I have witnessed you come up against including your own death."

"Well if I remember things right... You did save my life."

"Hey.. Uhura and I helped." Leonard snarked gruffly.

"Did you say that same thing.. Last time?" Jim asked with a grimace "Man my brain feels like scrambled eggs.. Too much Deja Vu going on.." 

"Get some rest, Jim." Leonard tells his best friend.. "Come on.. Out.. Shoo.. The Captain needs his beauty sleep and y'all need some rest yourselves."

Leonard motions to the door making a shooing motion with his hands, Leonard manages to coral Spock away but you stay behind because Jim raises an arm towards you with a weak.. "Uhura.. Wait.."

So you do..

"I .. Remember.. You.. I think.. Were you..?" Jim groans "Aw man it's so jumbled .. It's like I remember you being there during Tarsus.. But it wasn't you.. I had a friend.. Her name was.."

"Amai.." You gently interrupt him "You thought I was a girl named Amai all grown up.."

Jim looks pained as tears gather in his eyes "Oh wow.. That's a lot of baggage to unpack.. She .. She .. died .. on Tarsus.."

"No.. Jim.. She didn't.. Kevin Riley told you who all survived.. She's alive Jim.."

"Wait .. Kevin Riley?.. Kevin Riley in Engineering?!.. He's the same Kevin I knew as a kid?"

"Turns out he was one of the kids that survived the massacre of Tarsus IV with you... You just never knew it was him and he never knew that you were J.T. .. None of the other kids that survived Tarsus IV knew how to find J.T. and you.."

"I didn't know how to find them.." Jim concluded for you "But Hoshi's whole family died.. I know because that's something I did find.."

"Amai's last name was never Sato .. You just never knew what her last name was.."

"Yeah.." Jim said with a nod.. "You know.. You really do look like .. Well.. If I ever see her again .. I imagine you and she could pass as sisters.."

"That night I met you in Riverside.. You thought I was her.."

"You're right... I know.. It was stupid.. When it turned out you weren't her.." Jim bit his bottom lip and turned his face away..

"Hey.. No..." You cup his chin and turn his face back up at you .. It feels weirdly, intimately, familiar because you did this with him when he was a baby too. "You thought you saw someone you loved and then you made an ass out of yourself because it was the only way to hide how much it hurt when you found out you were wrong... It's not the worst mistake ever made or even the most epic of fails."

Jim smiles up at you, it's sad, but still dimpled with the potential of happiness and healing.

"Hey.. Uhura?" He asks.

"Yeah?"

"What's your.. Your first name.. What is it?" 

You give a weary sigh "Not this again.. Jim, you already know my first name.. You found it out.."

"Years ago.. I know." Jim says firmly "But haven't you ever noticed that I've never once actually called you by your first name?"

"With Spock.. You repeated my name to Spock.."

"But not to you.." Jim looks pleadingly up at you.. "I actually knew it before then because when I had to find your location on the ship during the Narada Incident so you could confirm whether or not that transmission you had intercepted was in Romulan.. the Commuter .."

"It told you my first name.." 

"Yeah.. But.. You didn't give me it.. I never got your first name .. From you." 

"Jim.." You groan and roll your eyes..

"Chief Communications Officer, Lieutenant Uhura.. Would you do me the honor of giving me your first name?"

He looks so nervous and earnest ..

"Oh my god.. .. Jim.. My name is Nyota Upenda Uhura.. You have all three of my name's.. There.. Are you happy now?" You ask it with a small huff of amusement.

Jim smiles at you serenely "Did you know that Nyota means Star in Swahili?"

"Are you seriously trying to use a pick-up line on me right now?"

"No.." Jim gives a chuckle but he's blushing beet red "I've just... Wanted to tell you that ever since I knew what your name was.. And to say.. That it really suits you.. Star of Freedom and Peace.. It's a nice name." He sounds a little sad as he says it "You represent the meaning very well.. I remember now.. Even though you hated this form of me... You still gave me kindness and compassion when I was .. small .. Thank you, Nyota.."

You swallow the lump in your throat and fight back your own tears "Jim.. I don't.. Hate you.."

"No.. You don't hate me right now... But you did.. And you could have .. I was vulnerable and you could have been mean.. But you weren't.." Jim's actually crying a steady river of tears now..

"Jim.." You your brow furrows "Sweetie.. It's .. It's okay.." You pull him up enough to hug him and then the floodgates really open as his body is wracked with sobs..

Then ... he surprises you ..

"I wish you had been my mom instead." he whispers the confession so quietly you almost don't hear it.

You draw in a shaky breath and surprise yourself "Me too, Jim.. Me too...."

"I .. Nyota.. I.. .. I love you.." Jim says it sounding so timid and nervous and hides his face in the hug "Don't make it weird.. I just wanted to say it before I grew up all the way.."

You pull away long enough to give him a pointed look with a raised eyebrow..

"Oh shut up.." Jim laughs "Technically I'm not done aging up if right now I'm still almost three years younger than what I'm supposed to be.. So I'm technically not fully done growing up yet.." He buries his face into your shoulder and groans "You know what I mean.."

You nod against the side of his head, because, yeah .. You know what he means and it's okay that he needs more time to actually be done growing up because he deserves to be free of the burdens of the maturity he had to have as a child.. It's ironic.. The older he gets the younger he becomes.. Because his spirit is lighter without that darkness from his childhood to weigh him down.

"I love you, too, kiddo.." You tell him fondly.

When he pulls away from the hug he looks at you like you are his entire universe...

You pull him back against your shoulder and gently rock him sideways, humming the same lullabies you sang to him as a baby.


	21. Chapter 21

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..

You don't tell anyone

Not a single soul

About what it is you've done..

You get weird looks and whispers behind your back because people notice..

You're not that great at keeping secrets so of course it's easy to read in the way you behave that you're keeping something from everyone

And it isn't exactly a small thing..

Okay.. You're really keeping this secret mostly from just one particular person..

And by merit you have to thus keep it from literally everyone else

Because they'll blab..

Even if they have good intentions you're not letting anyone spoil this ..

So you did the thing and you kept the secret and you wait and watch the seconds, hours and days go by..

Until it's time..

The Enterprise docks at a Star Base for a resupply .. It isn't really anything but a routine stop.. 

Until..

It becomes something more..

"Oh my gosh, did you see The U.S.S. Rebellious ?.. It's so shiny and new!.." An Ensign exclaims as they use their free time to clamour through the halls of the Star Base until they and their friends get to a viewing port that shows a new Miranda Class Starship.

"I hear this is their first run.. Man that is one sleek ship." One Ensign says to their friends.

"Yeah.." Another Enterprise Crew Member whistles "she's a beauty." 

"Eh.. She's smaller than our ship, though.." Another one who is less awed says with a shrug in a dismissive tone..

The others roll their eyes..

You just smirk and continue on..

You find the people you're looking for easily.

For one it's easy to find someone who is nearly a reflection of yourself.

Man this woman really could be your sister..

It's eerie..

You force your eyes away from your near doppelganger's face and nod to the rest of the people in the group..

"He doesn't know you did this.. Does he?" Your near doppelganger asks..

"No.. But .. I just couldn't live with myself not having done this all while knowing I could help him reunite with all of you .."

"How do you want to do this? We can't just spring it on him.. Can we?" A man with a scarred face asks.

"Well.. How would you want it to go?.. If it was you, I mean?" You ask not just the man with the scarred face but everyone else in the group too.

"I have an idea.. " Ensign Riley says with a smile and a bit of a mischievous gleam in his eyes..

..

..

THREE HOURS LATER.. On The Enterprise Bridge.

The Crew has just reboarded the ship and the supplies have been stowed..

The Captain sits in his chair 

"Uhura.. Open comms for relay of new orders.."

"Aye, Captain." The woman sitting at the Communications Console replies

And Jim swivels around and stares at her.. For all she looks alike .. Her voice sounds not even close to the same..

"You're not Uhura.." Jim states sounding shocked.. "Spock.. Where's Uhura?"

The Vulcan Male standing at The Science Station turns around ..

"You're not Spock.." Jim gasps..

"I believe this is the moment that Terrans would as they say.. Give up the ghost and shout .. "SURPRISE!".." The Vulcan Male did the last bit with an actual shout and even gave a flourish of his hands..

"Wait.. No.. It can't be.." Jim whispers..

"Zerin?" The Captain asks.. "Is it really you?" 

The Vulcan Male nods his head..

"That means.." Jim looked over to The Communications Console ..

"Amai?" Jim's voice cracked..

"Yeah.." She answered ..

"Holy crap.. Am I dreaming?" Jim asks..

You've waited long enough to reveal yourself.. You step onto The Bridge from your hiding place ..

"You're not dreaming.. I just.. .. I wanted you to be able to see them all again.. Because I know how much it means to you.."

"It means everything to me.." Jim says all choked up and you're having a hard time not getting teary eyed yourself..

Spock, the actual Spock, takes the Comm so that Jim can have some much needed time to catch up with his old and very dear friends as you watch from off to the side.. 

Once upon a time you might have not liked an adult James Tiberius Kirk ..

But.. This new you..

Would do anything for your kid.. And when he looks at you and gives you that full on dimpled smile that's as bright as the first peek of a sunrise you see that bright eyed, golden curled cherub that snuggled into your embrace and trusted you fully even when you felt you didn't deserve that trust ..

And .. 

then ..

He surprises you ..

He invites you over to the group..

"I know you've all already met my Chief Communications Officer.. But I would like to reintroduce you all to the woman who cared for me and treated me as her own during a time when I was helpless.. She's just as much a mom to me as Hoshi was.." Jim beams a smile at you and you smile back at him.. 

And can't help but be a damn proud mom ..


End file.
